


Maybe Next Time

by palbuddypoe



Category: Agent Carter (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/F, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-10
Updated: 2015-01-10
Packaged: 2018-03-06 22:43:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3151025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palbuddypoe/pseuds/palbuddypoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Colleen never liked men. But she loved Peggy from the day they met.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe Next Time

Colleen O'Brien had a secret. She didn't like men. Not in the way she was supposed to. She never understood why her friends got so giggly around men, or why they would want to dance with them. She would dance with a man sometimes, if he was any fun to talk to, but it was hard to find one who could just be a good friend. She always found herself more interested in other women. She knew that was wrong, and people would hate her for it. Sometimes she hated herself. So she covered it up. She pretended to care just as much as her friends about the handsome man who just walked by, or that gorgeous movie star, or Captain America.  

Colleen knew she wasn't alone in the world. She saw the bars for people like her, but she never went to one. She saw the pulp novels about women who were in love, but never had the bravery purchase one, although sometimes she skimmed them if no one was around. It was a comfort, and it made her feel like less of an anomaly, although she had never met anyone like her personally.

Then she met Peggy. Colleen had never felt about anyone the way she felt about Peggy. She was in love before the second time they spoke, and then it was a blur and all of a sudden they were living together and sharing a tiny little apartment. And it was wonderful. Except that Colleen couldn't tell Peggy how she felt. She never could. It would change everything. She might never get to speak to Peggy again. For now, being around her was enough. 

But she hoped. Colleen held onto a blind hope that maybe, just maybe Peggy would fall for her as hard as she had fallen for Peggy. She knew Peggy liked men, but maybe she liked women, too. That was possible, right? I had to be. It _had_ to be. Despite her feelings, Colleen just wanted Peggy to be happy. She wanted her friend to find someone, even though she knew it could never be her.

She poked fun at Peggy's single status, joking about how she shouldn't end up alone, praying that her voice wouldn't betray her and say what her mind was screaming, that Peggy should be with her, that she could love her more than any man in the world. 

Colleen treasured any and all time she spent with Peggy. They went to the movies a lot. They weren't dates, they were never dates, but sometimes it felt like they were. It felt like if she just took Peggy's hand, maybe nothing would change, maybe Peggy wanted this too. Maybe one time, they could share a kiss after a movie. Maybe it could just happen naturally. But not yet. It was always not yet. It was always next time.

Peggy had the strangest hours, for someone who worked at the phone company. She would come home very late very often. A part of Colleen hoped that maybe she had met someone, and she was finally getting on with her life. A bigger part of her really hoped that wasn't the case. 

Peggy was working _very_ late tonight. Colleen had the bed that night, and she settled in to go to sleep. She thought about how much she missed the winter, when the two women would share the bed, because it was impossible to sleep anywhere else. She thought of the movie she and Peggy were going to in Saturday, and how maybe this time she would say something. She thought about Peggy's lovely red lips. She fell asleep thinking about them, and she dreamed about kissing them. 

She didn't wake up.


End file.
